Not Just A Mum
Returning back to work following the birth of my first son has been a rollercoaster to say the least. I am not unique in returning back to work - over 90% of mothers return back to work within 1 year after childbirth. I returned back to the office 8 weeks post birth but was online within a week. I am not looking for praise or criticism here - this was what was needed in my particular situation. Again, I am not unique as many business owners do not take the minimum two weeks off or have a traditional maternity leave.
You often hear the phrase "always online/ available" which is absolutely true. In my particular situation, I was dialling in on conference calls with clients whilst breastfeeding, attending meetings with my baby and even conducted interviews with my son sleeping in the room. Does this make me a bad mother - I truly hope not. I am building a future for my son and my family. He was breastfed (and still is six months on), hit every developmental milestone early, and has experienced more in his short six months of life than most. I have also merged a business, grew a sales function and developed further consulting services for our clients.
The point of this article was not to write an ode to myself, but to share what helped me return back to work and highlight that its ok to not just be a mum! You were someone else before motherhood and that shouldn't change.
Top tips to survive the first few weeks back at work:
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Accept you will feel guilty as hell (it gets easier). You are guilty at work for leaving your child, and guilty at home for leaving your team. Guilt is a common feeling amongst all the returning parents I have met - "Am I doing the right thing?" "My son needs me" "I miss him" "Why am I doing this?" Its ok to have these feelings, but always remember that you are doing your best, and accept that this feeling will ease as you get into a routine.
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Write an email to your baby - crazy idea but it saved me from bursting into tears or fits of rage! Create an email account for your child, and email them your thoughts or feelings at a particular moment in time. If you have just had a great meeting, tell them about it! I know they will not be able to read it any time soon, but over time, you will have generated a barrel of memories that you could look back on and be proud of what you have achieved for your family.
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Get Organised - whether you are self-employed or an employee, work out your childcare routine and be open with your employer. If you have reduced your hours it is quite normal for your employer to expect the same results (perhaps an article in itself). Manage your time, work hard, but be open and transparent with your employer around what is achievable. They take for granted your presence and assume you will be achieving the same on full-time hours - make sure you educated them (politely)
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Accept help - as much as you may think, you are not Wonder Woman. Getting your head back into work mode, managing sleepless nights, hormones still circling - give yourself some "you time". Take a lunch break and a moment to yourself - this is a rarity and you do deserve it!
Your role has changed - you are now not just an individual, but you are a mother with more responsibilities than your day job. However, that doesn't need to be your only identity now. It's ok to enjoy being back at work or to have a conversation that doesn't revolve around your baby. You are awesome, powerful and doing the best you can... but you are Not Just A Mum!
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